Archive for the ‘Fake Steve Jobs’ Category

Sleepless in Seattle

September 6, 2007

Billie Gee was a worried man. He had just watched his arch-nemesis Stevie Jay boast to the world about his latest toys. “At least, he reserved his digs for NBC and not us” he thought to himself. In the room with him were his trusted lieutenants Ozzie Ray and Stewie Ball.

Billie: Guys, we need to turn this around. Nerd-time is over. Time to listen to some rock, smoke some pot and turn into hippies.

Stewie (in complete anguish): But what about the developers?

Billie (raising his voice): Stewie – it’s bad enough you stole my line and my dance. You knew how much I wanted to dance around and mock those hippies from California. So shut it.

Ozzie (Zen-like): But Billie the last time we tried turning hippies, we came up with that disgrace called the Zoon. I think nerd is our thing and we should stick to it. Everyone loves the PC guy in those ads Stevie Jay makes.

Stewie (neatly rolling his joint and lighting up): You guys have your own stash right? ‘Cos I’m running a little low.

Billie (exasperated): Stewie! When I said smoke pot, I meant figuratively. Now put that away. (Stewie smiles sheepishly). You’re right Ozzie – but we need a plan to out-cool those fruit-tards from California. The world doesn’t care any more about hex numbers displayed on a nice blue screen every time your computer crashes..they want pretty pictures and effects and all that jazz. And we can’t stand around and get crushed by all this hippieness.

Ozzie (puzzled): So what are you suggesting?

Billie (triumphant): We need to be quantum nerds, that is – be neither nerd nor hippie but also both nerd and hippie at the same time.

Stewie (even more puzzled): Oooh…somebody went to Harvard.

Billie (getting more and more exasperated): We both did ok Stewie? (Sighs) Why don’t you go back to your office and write up a feasibility study of my fake blog we were talking about earlier?

Stewie (not to be left out): No no I’m totally getting this. I propose a complete renaming of our product lines. How about gangsta rap as a theme, so Windows Vista becomes BitchSlap?

Ozzie (clearing his throat): Later Stewie. But I think Billie has a point – we need to bring pizzazz into our products. And let’s face it – us being nerds and all, we just have no taste. How about bringing in Mick Jagger as creative consultant?

Billie (with wizened smile): There you go! Now we’re talking. Let’s get started on this.

Billie (leaving the room, thinks to himself): Who the hell is Mick Jagger?

The Mask of Fake Steve

August 7, 2007

John Gruber opines:

The question hinges on what exactly is the main source of Fake Steve’s appeal. Is it that he’s so good — sometimes scathingly funny, sometimes deeply insightful, and, at his best, both? Or was it the fact that his identity was a mystery?

I say it’s that he’s good. That his identity was unknown certainly added a mystique, but it was nothing more than a distraction from the work itself. If it were the main source of Fake Steve’s appeal, the novelty would have worn off months ago.

I disagree. His appeal was his scathingly funny perspective and his anonymity. It’s the reason why superheroes are so appealing – because they are anonymous. If their sole purpose is to be good at what they do, why choose to hide their identity in the first place? Now, Fake Steve is just another columnist blogger, and that sucks.

Just like how Batman will be just another law-enforcing government agent, without the mask.